From Middle Class to Mindful Wealth: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Redefining My Relationship with Money

My journey with money and success has been a complex one, deeply intertwined with my upbringing and the values I was taught. Growing up in a middle-class family, I learned to be cautious with spending, to save diligently, and to pursue stability through education. The narrative was clear: work hard, study well, and secure your future. At the same time, there was a deep-seated skepticism towards wealth; rich people were often seen as dishonest, taking advantage of workers and perpetuating inequalities. My dad, a farmer, and my mom and sister, who worked minimum-wage jobs, embodied these beliefs. There were no entrepreneurs or intellectuals in my family, just hard-working individuals doing their best to get by.

As I progressed in life, attending SciencesPo and eventually launching my own startup, I began to make more money than I had ever imagined. But instead of fully embracing these opportunities, I found myself struggling with an unconscious pattern of self-sabotage. Despite my successes, I often hesitated to seize new opportunities, holding myself back in subtle ways. Deep down, I feared that the more successful I became, the more I would grow apart from my family. The disconnect between my experiences and theirs was already widening, and I was afraid that if I continued to advance, I would lose their love and understanding entirely.

This internal conflict was compounded by imposter syndrome—a persistent feeling that I didn’t truly belong in the circles I was now moving in. Surrounded by people who had grown up in wealth, I often felt like an outsider, questioning whether I was deserving of the success I had achieved. The more I advanced, the more I felt less understood by my family, who remained rooted in their working-class reality. This only intensified my self-sabotage, as I unconsciously held myself back to avoid alienating the people I loved most.

These struggles are something I am still working through. To move forward, I know I need to address the fears that drive my self-sabotage and imposter syndrome. First, I need to recognize and challenge the belief that success will inevitably lead to losing the love and connection of my family. This might involve having open and honest conversations with them about my journey, and finding ways to maintain our bond even as our lives diverge.

Second, I need to confront my imposter syndrome head-on by acknowledging my accomplishments and the hard work that has led me to where I am. This means giving myself permission to succeed and to be proud of what I’ve achieved, without feeling guilty or unworthy.

Finally, I want to focus on using my success to create positive impact, which can help bridge the gap between my values and my financial achievements. By aligning my financial resources with my desire to drive social and environmental change, I can find a sense of purpose that goes beyond personal gain. This might involve investing in causes that matter to me, supporting sustainable initiatives, or advocating for policies that address economic and environmental injustices.

Moving forward, I am committed to breaking free from the patterns of self-sabotage and imposter syndrome that have held me back. I want to embrace my success fully, without fear of losing my connection to my family or compromising my values. By doing so, I hope to not only continue growing but also to use my success as a force for good in the world, creating a future where my achievements are in harmony with the values I hold dear.